he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
