Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
