Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
