Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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