apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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