Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
