Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
