Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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