I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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