You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
