why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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