I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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