do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
