I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
