im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
