Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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