i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
