I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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