in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
