they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
