I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
