Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
