Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
