I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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