Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
