are you still at the devil's house?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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