Nicole vs. Life
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
