I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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