I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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