I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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