Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
