I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
