I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
