I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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