GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
