My girlfriend figured out who you are.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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