God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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