So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
