I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
