he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
