I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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