I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
