Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
