I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
