I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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