Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
