also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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