Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
