hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
