Can Purell be used as lube?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
