This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
